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On Shadow Work: When do you allow yourself to be messy?

Take a deep breath in. Hold. Slow breath out. Repeat twice. Allow your breathing to return to normal.


This is THAT post. This is the post where we engage the messy B***H inside all of us because attempting to act like they don't exist isn't the wave. As a recovering perfectionist, I have often found myself refusing to ever admit that I am in any way shape or form anything but perfect. We all know how that turns out though. It usually ends with way too much wine, lots of tears and a couple misplaced curse words for emphasis. What if I told you, we could actually learn to enjoy that space by engaging in small acts of shadow work daily?


We all have a part of ourselves that is the "shadow". That part that we try to hide because we somehow feel it is "evil", "messy", "mean", "aggressive" etc. Some people engage their shadow by participating in the BDSM world (I'm a switch and proud), some drink these parts away and become angry drunks, some make "peace" with it and become ego centered spiritualists, etc. Do you see the range of possibilities? There is no "good" or "bad", simply what you choose. It is your choice of when, how, and where your shadow self goes on a joy ride. Irresponsible or not, that side of us simply wants to be seen, heard and validated for all that they are. I often choose to release my shadow self on passive aggressive racist white folks. At least once a day, I refuse to move on the sidewalk, mention racism brazenly, and or make a racist cry. While this is enough most of the time. for me to feel purposefully messy, sometimes, my messy B***H doesn''t have enough time out and does make a mess in my life, not gonna lie about it.


We all have those friends, and we love them because of their messiness. How do we make space when the messy B***H is a black or brown femme? We loved when Britney shaved her whole head and when Sex & the City continued to make shitty films (did we really love that though?)...but did we love when that black femme lost their cool just a lil bit?


Take your shadow self on a walk. Make space to be as "messy" as you need to be to maintain your sanity and self while also having a container so that others are not left hurt by your actions and if they are, be real about where you are. Acting as though we don't have a shadow side does more damage than good. We're human and therefore flawed. I see you.


When do you draw the line and how do you allow your own shadow to have its time without judgement?


Until next time Xo


Peace & Healing





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