Take a second.
Take a deep breath in.
Slow breath out.
Allow your breathing to return to it's normal pattern.
What is a boundary? Why do I need them? How do I erect them?
These were my main questions a couple years ago and still are today. I remember the first time I heard someone use the phrase "I have to establish a boundary here". I was definitely lost in the conversation. My mind continued to swirl, but I refused to make this person do the extra labor of educating me in this moment. I hungered for the answer and had a need to "figure it out" for myself. Then, because I'm a nerd, I excused myself from the room and looked up the word on my Webster's app (yes, I have the dictionary app on my phone).
noun a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.
Understanding slowly dawned. A boundary in this moment was the erection of a line and moment that should not be crossed from one person to the next. The other person hadn't done anything particularly "wrong", but had just stepped over what the other person could allow for their own personal wellness. *mind blown*. Unresolved trauma doesn't exactly dictate the facilitation of a boundary filled space. I went home and for the next couple days, thought about what "personal boundaries" could be. I wanted to build these boundaries first with myself. I wrote in my journal, "Where are my boundaries?". I arrived at a reality that shocked me in its intensity. What I wrote down were moments such as "sleep well, hugs, clarity in intention setting, body movement, addressing of trauma, speaking truth, live life without labels, etc." These all made sense, but how can they be made to soar in physical reality?
Once a day, I made a commitment to myself to build at least one boundary a day and that can be so incredibly small. It can be a reminder to take three breaths when feeling tense. That was the first boundary. In setting this small boundary, there came a sense of wonder...why is this boundary needed? What does it do to create this boundary. In your personal boundary journey that is all for you to answer. For me, setting small boundaries gives expansive awareness. I noticed that if I took the time to set this moment intentionally, then gratitude could be more feely expressed not only for others, but myself as well, because I was being truthful.
So I ask: What are your boundaries? How do you set them up? Why do you need them?
Until next time,